Online Dating Sites - Lovesites

I have often said to friends and family, relationships are the most challenging part of life. Fortunately, this does not need to be so. There are ways to avoid common relationship pitfalls and create a flourishing relationship this very minute. I know it sounds sappy, but the ultimate relationship is the one we have with ourselves. How can we give love to another person if we cannot give it to ourselves? How can we expect to receive love if we cannot give it? Following are some common relationship woes whose fixes, surprisingly enough, have little to do with the other person and a lot to do with ourselves.

1. Getting too attached
Have you ever had one of those friends who after a week or two, no, a day or two of dating someone decides this person is absolutely 100% THE ONE for them? Well, I know people like that and they are both men and women. I myself have had this problem and encourage anyone wanting a relationship not to step into the trap of attaching to someone too much and too quickly; which leads us to the next pitfall…

2. Expecting happiness to come from another person
One reason we immediately attach ourselves to somebody is due to the quest for happiness. When we think happiness resides outside of ourselves, we are prone to seek it from things such as a job, a car, a career, a house, and… oh… yes… another person! In reality, at every moment, we have the ability to CHOOSE to be happy or not to be happy. Now get this… if you choose to be happy BEFORE you have a “perfect relationship” you will create a “happy” relationship? In other words, you attract that which you are, and what you project into the world. Problem solved.

3. Trying to control your partner
This is a big one. I wish it could be as simple as saying “Don’t do it,” however when someone wants to control another person, usually it is due to a huge lack on their part. This could be a lack of feeling secure, a lack of feeling loved, or feelings of inadequacy. When we feel we are lacking, we hold on tighter to what we think validates us, for example our partner, and try to control every aspect of them. So then, the way to end this behavior it to fix the negative beliefs and feelings that would lead us to act in this way. Easier said than done, however, quite doable.

4. Blaming the other person
Ok, so he forgot to put the garbage out and now it will pile up for ANOTHER week, and yes, she took an hour and a half to do her makeup which caused you to be late to a friend’s dinner party… SO WHAT. In the grand scheme of things, none of this matters, and the situation will not be helped by blaming the other person. In fact, blame just gives the problem more attention and fuels it to become a bigger deal than it really is. If an incident occurs on a regular basis, it may need to be addressed; no one can live with weeks of garbage sitting around, but otherwise do not give away your precious energy to something so trivial.

5. Forgetting to be grateful
I personally believe that when we are grateful we have everything. There is something called the Law of Attraction. Essentially it says what we put our attention is what we get. So, if we are grateful, we get more of that in our lives, whether it is health, money, or love. Alternately, if we put our attention on the aspects of our relationships we do not like, we get more of the same. So be grateful for what you do have and that is exactly what you will receive.

Article by A. Lansing

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