People are always wondering what is an acceptable age gap for relationships. Many couples are worried about how their friends and family will perceive their relationship if the age gap between them is too wide. My wife is 10 years younger then me but women tend to mature much faster then men in most cases so I don’t feel the age difference much. I am in my late 30’s now and when I was in my 20’s I dated women my age or maybe a few years younger. Some of the more important things that you should be focused on instead of any age differences is to make sure your motives and goals for your relationship are inline with each other. I didn’t date my wife because she was much younger then me, we had a lot of common interests and connected on an emotional level because of past life experiences.

If you are in your teens still and dating a man or woman much older then you then you just need to make sure that you are not doing it for the wrong reasons. If you are a younger woman and feel that an older man is more mature and gives you more stability in your relationship then there is probably not any problem with this type of relationship. One issue I have seen with relationships where there is a wide age gap is that typically (not all of the time though) the older person is in the mode or mind set to settle down and the younger person wants to go out and still explore. I have seen some of these situations turn into jealous relationships where the older person will try to command all of the time spent together and suffocate their partner and this can be unhealthy if that is not what the other person is wanting in the relationship.

In the end if you are in love with your partner and not their age then you will have a healthy relationship together and shouldn’t worry about any social criticisms that might occur. Hey, if they can do it in Hollywood and make it work with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes and with Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher which both have a 16 year age gap then your friends and family should accept your relationship too. If you have a unique situation that you would like to share or get advice on post your comments below.

-Brian R.

Writing an effective personal ad is a hard task for many people because you are writing about yourself which can seem a little vain but if you just apply a little effort, creativity and imagination you can create a story around all of your interests and personality traits. Below are a few sample profiles that we created based on fake people with specific interests and professions. Of course these were written by a professional copywriter but the most important thing to take from these profiles is the casual language and story telling structure. Keep your profile personal and talk about what you experienced in life, what you enjoy doing and what you are looking for in a partner.

Male, 36 – architect – likes eating out, sports and scary movies

I love my life. I love what I do. I love making the most out of opportunities and I want to share my life with a woman that feels the same way! I have a great sense of humor and need to be with a woman that can make me laugh; not only with jokes, but a few knee slappers definitely wouldn’t hurt your chances.

If you’re looking for a man that will try to win you over with bragging and possessions, you’re looking at the wrong profile. I’m an honest and modest guy who loves a night on the town at a fancy Italian restaurant, followed by a scary movie and a white cherry Slurpee!

I’m looking for a down-to-earth woman that is not afraid to try anything and everything, and is ready for whatever life throws at her. She must be prepared to laugh at everything – including herself and if she knows what a “first down” is, or what “off sides” means, she would be just what the doctor ordered.

Male, 27 – artist – likes kung fu, reading and music

Painting is my life… but don’t run away just yet! I make a good living and have a lot of free time to spend with my elusive better half.  I’m an easy-going, well mannered African American who, according to friends, is not too terribly rough on the eyes and does not need constant attention… I can certainly entertain myself eighty percent of the time but would enjoy a partner in crime for the other thirty percent. (Math was never my strong suite.)

When I’m not relaxing on my couch with a Douglas Noël Adams book, listening to my favorite Wu-tang album or painting a self proclaimed “masterpiece”, I’m usually eating sushi with close friends or renting a classic Bruce Lee film.

I’m a sucker for a woman that expresses herself through art, music or performance and if you can prepare a delicious, home-cooked feast (or at least know a good delivery joint), I’m yours forever! I’m looking for someone who doesn’t mind staying in more often than not but is not afraid to go out on occasion and let her hair down – someone who is well-read, optimistic, and has a good ear for music. Tell me about yourself…

Male, 30 – contractor – likes baseball, politics and children

I’m here with a positive attitude and I’m ready to meet new and interesting people with whom I can spend my free time. A long-term relationship could be nice, but I’m definitely looking for friendship for starters.

In the short span that I have walked the earth, I’ve done pretty much everything when it comes to employment and have won countless bets when people say they can guess a job I’ve never done at least once – currently, I the owner of my own contracting business where I build houses for a living and I love every minute of it. I have two wonderful boys, ages six and eleven; they are everything to me and anyone that I choose to be with must love children! Oh, and baseball, because we are obsessed with the New York Yankees and spend a great deal of our free time attending games during the season – and hopefully post season.  My family is very close and extremely important to me and I get along best with people who feel the same way.

The perfect woman, to me, would be someone that can have an informed discussion about local or national politics and is not afraid to disagree with me or play devil’s advocate from time to time, gets excited about great seats at Yankee Stadium, loves or even has children and wants to see where our relationship leads while letting it set its own pace… no rushing.

Male, 40 – software engineer – likes travelling, wine and fine art

I’ve been to the beautiful Savannah Desert of South Africa, the Indian Himalayans and the sandy beaches of Thailand. I’ve meditated in rain forests of Central America, inhaling the intoxicating scent of the flourishing vegetation just after the afternoon rainfall. I’ve sailed from San Diego to the Caribbean – but for all the paths I’ve traveled, ours have yet to cross.
Maybe I was facing the wrong direction in Germany, when I was cooking at a gourmet restaurant on the German Riviera and you strolled past? I looked for you in Spain, while I sat in a narrow alley café; dipping my churro into chocolate so thick it reminded me of a cup of pudding – bittersweet not just in taste, but in actual fact, because you weren’t there to share it with me… or were you? It’s not that my life isn’t full. Between family and friends, my work as a software engineer, my yoga classes, hiking and volunteering in my community, I’m happy in my life, especially giving service to others. Also, I consider myself a wine “connoisseur”, but what fun is great wine without you to share it with?

I see us hiking together, swimming, going to local art openings or museum, discovering out-of-the-way mom and pop cafes. We’ll probably be the last couple to leave, since we’re deep into a conversation not about people, but about ideas and philosophies. I’m loyal and sincere, and promise to treat you with courtesy and respect. If respect comes first, then true intimacy naturally follows. But consider yourself warned: I’m old-fashioned and will want to open doors for you! Since we’ll be discovering a whole new world together, I expect you’ll get your chance to open a door or two for me as well.

Male, 50 – Col. United States Army (ret.) – restoring classic cars, skydiving and water polo

After 20 exciting years serving my country as an Explosive Ordinance Disposal expert in the United States Army (I made things go boom), I’m ready to follow my dreams of restoring classic cars with a woman that will roll her sleeves up and jump right in there with me – I have a 1920’s Ford Model T that needs ‘our’ attention first, and our sense of adventure second. I’m a bit of a modern day Indiana Jones in that I rather enjoy discovering hidden waterfalls or undiscovered mountainous lakes and don’t shy away from things like jumping out of perfectly good airplanes for fun.

I like to stay fit by working out a few times a week and would expect my partner to join me more often than not. Although I am an avid water polo enthusiast and a goalie on my gym team, I don’t expect you to jump in the pool with us; although it most definitely would not hurt your chances!

I’m looking to meet a woman that can show me a few things along the way – life is a journey and that is far from over and I know there is much more out there to see, learn, live and love! Why don’t you take a leap with me? Of course that’s a metaphoric leap, not the literal sense… as in, “out of a perfectly good airplane.” But that would be excellent as well!

Now don’t even think about copying one of these examples. Sit down and write your own personal ad and let that personality shine.

-Brian R. (profile examples written by Chris Cairns – copywriter extraordinaire.)

How to End a Bad Date

Have you ever found yourself on a first date that is just horrible? You can’t seem to connect on any level or the conversation and energy in the room is making you very uncomfortable. You just want to end this date as soon as possible but don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings. Is there a way to do it pleasantly? Usually not.

I have found that the best way to keep the others persons feelings intact and to not cause any scene is to be very honest and direct so that you aren’t misleading or making up any excuses to end the date.

Here are a few suggestions for weary daters:

• Let them know that they don’t seem to be the type of person that you are looking for.
• If you want to be more casual about it let them know that you think that you both could find someone who is more compatible with each other and how hard that has been for you.
• Tell them simply that you don’t think that this is going to work and that you don’t want to waste their time and they should appreciate your honesty.

What do you do after you have this uncomfortable conversation? It is usually good to just part ways and to leave separately. Call a cab or a friend to come pick you up if you both came together. It’ll just make the situation more comfortable faster by doing this.

If the date is going bad right from the start and you are catching negative vibes then I suggest you just cut things short and both of you will be able to walk away with minor bruises. I think that most daters can appreciate the honesty over being lead on or left confused or wondering.

I usually recommend keeping your fist dates very casual in public settings so that if anything goes wrong it makes for an easier exit. Coffee shop dates or luncheons are great first dates for this exact reason. You can slip out and be done with the nightmare before it scars you from the dating scene. Happy dating and remember to be direct and honest.

-Brian R.

• Communicate With Each Other Daily: Call, email or voice chat.
• Keep Him / Her Informed: Talk to your partner about your successes and failures, no matter how insignificant they may be.
• Meet as Often as Possible: Spend quality time with one another whenever possible.
• Surprise One Another: Cards, flowers, gifts and love letters can help you to keep the romance alive and make every day special.
• Get a webcam so you can chat with each other online with video. It’s always nice to see someone’s face when you miss them.
• Make sure you schedule out the dates that you are expecting to do visits with each other. This helps reduce anxiety and worry about whether either of you are making any effort to see one another.

Good luck with you long distance relationship and hopefully it is only for a short term and that one of you will make the commitment to move closer so that you can remove the distance gap that might be creating any pressure on the relationship. If your partner is in the military and that is what is causing the long-distance relationship then make sure you keep yourself busy by surrounding yourself with other people that might be in the same situation as yourself. Don’t go out hitting the bars thinking that your partner might be doing the same thing. Stay focused on your relationship and be patient with the prospect of when they will be returning home.

-Brian R.

Most single working professionals are finding it hard to take out quality time to look for the right person to go out with. In such a scenario, the two most common options for finding a prospective date include trying to meet someone in a bar or nightclub or joining an online dating service.

Though there are conflicting views about which is better, what applies to both these dating options is the need to take precautions in order to maintain safety. Most online dating websites allow you to keep your personal details private and maintain anonymity. On the other hand, while meeting in a bar, you must be careful about who you speak to and interact with.

I met my wife at a concert in a nightclub venue so I got lucky but a lot of my friends have met people online through social network websites and dating sites like Match.com, Yahoo Personals and eHarmony. Online dating has become very mainstream and you will often hear people sitting at a table next to you at lunch talking about how they went on a date with someone that they met online. Match and eHarmony have been pretty instrumental in bringing it to a mature mainstream audience with television commercials. Many talk shows have had segments with online dating sites like Perfectmatch which was featured on Dr. Phil. These sites usually have a dating and relationship coach like Dr. Pepper Schwartz for Perfectmatch and Dr. Helen Fisher for Chemistry.com. They have helped create the personality compatibility tests that you see in the sign-up process.

People that are very social will probably continue to frequent the bar scene but you’ll be surprised how many of those people are also dating online. Many singles in their early 20’s don’t think that they need to use an online dating service and that there is just a bunch of older people on them. The reverse is true, the technologies on online dating sites have been setup to allow people full control over their preferences including age, sexual preference, smokers, drinkers, ethnicity, location, etc.

At the end of the day, it is your personal choice that really matters so go out and date and find that special someone.

If you are not a U.S. citizen and would like to marry an American Citizen, your fiancé (an American Citizen) must file an application for the K-1 Visa at the American Consulate on your behalf. A number of other documents must be filed along with the Application form including a valid passport, copies of birth certificate, divorce decrees, if any, police verification certificates, reports of medical examinations, photographs as well as evidence that the fiancé will support you, etc. On approval of the visa, you must get married to your fiancé within 90 days. For more information on getting a fiancé visa, visit the official U.S. Consulate website.

Here are some of the services where you’ll be charged a fee:

• Filing an Alien Fiancé Petition, Form I-129F
• Nonimmigrant Visa application processing fee. (non-refundable): $131.00
• Medical examination
• Fingerprinting fees, if it is required. $85.00
• Other costs may include translation and photocopying charges, getting the documents required for the visa application (such as passport, police certificates, birth certificates, etc.). Costs vary from country to country and case to case.
• Filing Form I-485 Application to Register Permanent Residence or to Adjust Status

It doesn’t matter what country in which your fiancee lives in, the K-1 FIANCEE VISA is the only proper visa and method for them to use to enter the U.S. for the purpose of marriage. If he/she enters the U.S. on another type of visa or visa waiver you can still get legally married but they will then need to depart the U.S., obtain a K-3 spousal visa at the U.S. Consulate in her country of residence and then re-enter the U.S. on the K-3 visa in order to remain in the U.S. permanently as your spouse. Our suggestion to you is to not try to do this without the help of an attorney that specializes in Fiancee Visas. We highly recommend the services of HOLMES & LOLLY at www.fianceevisas.com. They have processed over a thousand applications a year since 1991.

Be ready for a long detail oriented process if you are determined to get married to a non-US citizen. The approximate processing time for a K-1 Fiance Visa is about 3-6 months from the initial filing to fiance’s arrival. After you file your petition, you have to wait for the USCIS to approve it and send it to the State Department, who performs a background check and then forwards it to the U.S. Embassy. When the embassy receives the file from the state department they then send a packet to the applicant instructing them to what documents they’ll need prior to the visa interview. Once you collect all of the needed documents, you’ll need to schedule an interview with the embassy in the Immigration section of the embassy. After a consular officer has reviewed the case, your Fiance will be interviewed.

Your Fiance will be required to sign a statement regarding his or her legal capacity to marry and intention to marry. Provided everything is in order at the time of the interview, your Fiance will receive a visa the same day. All supporting documentation including the K petition, birth certificate, Nonimmigrant Visa Application, and medical exam will be placed in an envelope and given to the applicant for presentation to USCIS at the port of entry. Good luck getting through the process. It is a huge time and emotional investment but will be well worth it once you can get your fiancee over and living with you.

If you have been through this process and have other advice, post it below.

Ever felt jittery about going on your first date? Considering the fact that this can be the beginning of a wonderful relationship, it makes sense to spend some time to consider where best to go on your special first date. Plan an evening that gives you both the opportunity to know each other better in a comfortable & relaxed atmosphere. Impress your date with something different then a typical movie and dinner date. Here are a few great date ideas that we came up with that might or might not work depending on where you live and what entertainment you have access to.

1. Bingo – If you have a local bingo hall in your area at a church, community center or casino then Bingo is a pretty good time as it is a pretty social event where you can people watch, win money and prizes and interact with each other.

2. Ferry Ride – For those of you that live on a coast or next to a large body of water it is pretty fun to ride the ferry to a neighboring island just to explore your surroundings. This makes for good one on one conversation time with a scenic backdrop.

3. Amusement Park – If you are a young a heart person and want to be in an environment filled with action and activity where you can choose rides from bumber cars to scary roller coasters to see if your date has a stomach for extreme activities or not.

4. Bowling – This is definitely an oldie but goody activity where you can rent a lane, wear shoes that have been worn by 100’s of people and show off your skills or lack of them and embarrass yourself in public.

5. Bike Ride – This is a nice low impact sport. Many people have their own bikes. You can pick a meeting spot to start your ride like a lake or park that you can meander through. Don’t be a show off and just pace your ride so it is enjoyable and not competitive.

6. Volunteering – This is an activity that more people should be putting aside time to do. Volunteer yourself at a homeless or youth shelter with your date and see how they interact with strangers and youth. It is a good exercise to see their real personality.

7. Tour a local winery – This one is easy and highly popular for the socialite types. Who doesn’t enjoy a nice glass of wine. The spirits will help you stay calm and might even open you up a little to the uncomfortableness of the first date. Just be sure to not over drink and make a spectacle of yourself.

8. Horseback ride – If you don’t live by a body of water then there is probably plenty of options for horseback riding on marked trails. I am a big fan of this

9. Hot Air Balloon ride – I have done this before and it was pretty scary for me but can be one of those bonding moments as you hug each other in fear.

10. Aquarium or Zoo visit – Everybody loves some kind of animals and fish are fun to watch swim about aimlessly. Both of these activities are interactive and easy conversation starters.

11. Farmers Market visit – Check out the great deals from your local farmers and merchants. If you don’t have a Farmers Market then visit a flea market or swap meet.

12. Comedy Improv show – This is an easy date idea. Stay away from the front row seats if you don’t want to be made fun of. They can usually pick out couples that are on a first date too.

13. Dinner Theater show – A little more exciting then your typical dinner. Dinner theater is a great entertainment dining experience.

14. Sporting Event – Are you both sport fanatics? Try a baseball, football or hockey match for your local professional team, college or high school.

Go ahead, get out and enjoy yourselves! Got another great first date idea? Post if below.

This is how the profiles made it to US websites. Companies like Kiss.com (previously known as Foreign Relations), A Foreign Affair and Cherry Blossoms had marriage agency contacts abroad in Russia, Eastern Europe, Philippines and South America. These agents had paper profile questionnaires that the women would fill out and then the agencies would mail a package of these applications with photos attached with paperclips to them of each of the applicants. Some of the women provided their own photos and most of them were professionally taken at the agency offices. Many of the women back then did not have email addresses so almost all of the correspondence was done via letters and phone calls so you can imagine the process. Customers on these websites would order the addresses or full contact information of the woman (around $12 a piece) and most of the services provided Russian (Cyrillic) address labels to put on envelopes to ensure delivery of letters.

Some sites like Kiss.com allowed customers to purchase full color copies of the original photos that were submitted for a charge of $5. Once the letters went back and forth a few times they would then plan to meet in person in the foreign country as this was a requirement for a “Fiancée Visa” or K-1 visa to be accepted. This process could take months and years to finally get completed but I estimate that 1000’s of women successfully married men in the US and around the world through these services.

“Mail Order Bride” is a dating niche that still isn’t fully mainstream yet because people still have pre-conceptions that the women are just “Gold Diggers”. Well if you have been to Russia or any of the former Soviet Union countries you will see that they are doing pretty well nowadays and actually the Bentley car dealership in Kiev, Ukraine sold more cars then the Beverly Hills Bentley shop last year.

Today, there are many Russian and Ukrainian dating sites online but only a few trusted businesses that have real profiles on them. Below is a list of the sites that we recommend using if you are looking for international dating and a woman from South America, Russia, Ukraine, Romania, Estonia, Moldova, Poland or the Philippines.

Anastasia International – They have been around since 1993 and have offices here in the US and in Moscow, Russia. They offer romance tours and have 1,000’s of new profiles updated monthly to their site.

Cherry Blossoms – Located in Hawaii, Cherry Blossoms is a trusted brand focused on international dating and mostly helping single men find partners in the Philippines and South American countries.

A Foreign Affair (www.loveme.com) – They were one of the first mail order bride sites online and have been running tours and their international dating service since 1995. They can help you with Fiance Visa applications and International Travel. They are also US based with offices in Phoenix, AZ.

Be prepared to be a little patient and ready to spend a great deal of money on travel and the paperwork that comes with this type of online dating. It can be an exciting experience for you and very fulfilling if you find your soul mate on the other side of the planet. Be weary of scams though. Never send money to anyone until you have met in person.

If you can read cyrillic Russian then here are a couple other popular Russian based dating services: Date.ru, Mamba.ru and Kiss.ru.

-Brian

Here is an excerpt from the article on some of my suggestions that I provided to her:

Brian Rauschenbach of the Seattle-based Kiss.com, says cyberdaters should watch out for these red flags:

• Are they being vague or ignoring your questions?
• Do they give inconsistent information about themselves?
• Is the person disappearing for days or weeks at a time?
• Are they only available during odd hours?

Isn’t it funny how we had names like “Cyberdaters” back then? Well, nothing much has changed since 2000 except for the fact that it is now more acceptible to tell your friends that you are dating online. With the introduction of free websites like OKCupid, Plentyoffish and Justsayhi, there is a little more concern over safety and people setting up fake profiles pretending to be someone else. There was recently an incident where a young teenager on Myspace started dating someone and they dumped them and she committed suicide and the whole thing was a hoax.

How do you avoid being a victim of a potential horror story? Here are some additional guidelines to follow in your online dating adventures:

Don’t Race to the Finish Line. Take is Slow
Trust your gut instincts. When something sounds too good to be true, it usually is. Invest the time to get to know the person over email first by asking them some questions that require more then a yes/no answer. Look for some inconsistencies or odd behavior like I mentioned above.

Be Anonymous with Your Real Identity
Most dating sites allow you to correspond with other members via their own messaging system. If you take the conversation off the website that you met on then make sure you are still using a free email service like gmail or hotmail.

Ask Them For a Few Photos
If you get to a stage where you are feeling more comfortable with the person ask them to send you some photos of themselves in different settings so you can make sure they aren’t hiding anything from you. We have all heard stories where a friend met someone online and when they actually had their first meeting it wasn’t the same person in the photo online. If they say they have a pet then ask them to take a photo with their pet. Everyone has a digital camera nowadays or have access to one pretty easy.

Talk on the Phone Before Meeting in Person
Phone calls are always a good gauge for how a person to person interaction and conversation will go. Be sure to use your mobile phone and to block your number with *67 caller ID blocking or however your phone provider blocks your outgoing number. You can even setup a skype account and phone number if you don’t mind talking into a microphone/headset on your computer.

Meeting in Person for the First Time
You are finally comfortable to meet each other for the first time. Make sure that you don’t get picked up or provide your address of where you live in case the person is a wierdo or creepy. You choose the meeting spot and make sure it is a public location. It is also a good idea to let a close friend know when and where you are meeting the date. I remember doing an interview with TechTV about safe dating and they had told me a story about a woman from Oregon that flew down to San Diego to meet a man that she met in a chat room and she stayed with him for a week and when she went to leave he stabbed her several times and left her to die. She survived and was able to call the police. What went wrong here? Two things – Don’t try to meet people in chat rooms and never stay with someone that you don’t really know yet.

Have an Emergency Exit Plan
If you are in the middle of your date and have an unsure feeling about how things are going then excuse yourself and call a friend for advice and if you feel that you might be in danger then slip out the back door and phone the police if you think the person might follow you out. It is always better to be safe then sorry and you won’t be that embarrased if you don’t make that much of a scene.

Wow! The Date is Going Well
Even if you get to a stage in the date where you are feeling comfortable with the person and decide to go to another bar or to their place make sure you drive and follow them and don’t leave your transportation behind. If you decide to go back to their place to hang out or make-out then make sure you get an address and leave it with one of your friends and let them know that you’ll call them in 30 minutes or so to let them know everything is still good.

The Background Check
Whenever I talk to people about this one they feel like their privacy is being invaded but the truth is that their is a free website that has a bunch of your personal information on it probably unless you have been really good about living under a rock for the past 15 years. Check out Zabasearch.com if you have the persons’ name and address information and want to fact check it against public record data for free. If they give you their SSN you can use Peoplefinders.com and Intelius.com for a full background check for around $30 bucks.

Why does some of this sound like overkill? ”I’ve been on tons of dates before and never worried about this type of stuff.” Finding your future wife or husband on your computer is a little different then meeting someone in a bar that you frequent. I have found that there is quite a mix of normal people and people that are a little less socially adaptive online. You have to do a little more filtering and weeding out when taking to the online dating “stage”. Good luck and I hope you find the love of your life.

-Brian
 

I used to hate when people would talk to me with acroynms and abbreviations like IMHO (in my honest opinion) or RTFM (read the freakin manual). Here are some classics that you probably never heard of.

This is one that you are all afraid of when meeting a person that you met online for the first time. “I thought you said that you were blond and physically fit?”

Have you ever had an online dating nightmare before? Online dating has changed a lot in recent years but back in 2002 it wasn’t something that people really talked about socially with their friends and lots of people were afraid to meet people they had met online in person.

Have you ever “Google’d” someone before? Some sites like True.com say that they pre-screen their users but the only real way to do this is to run a full national criminal background check on a site like Peoplefinders.com or Intelius.com.

If you have any horror stories or find any cartoons that we can add to this collection then feel free to contact us and send them our way.

Post your profile with a reputable company…
If you don’t want to be seen as a hussy, don’t post your profile on hussies-r-us.com. If you want your profile to be seen by someone genuinely interested in a relationship, use a legitimate dating site such as chemistry.com or match.com. These companies have a proven record of success and are more likely to give you matches that will work out.

Be honest in your approach…
Tell the truth when you are writing your online profile. It is one of the most courteous things you can do when dating online. Wouldn’t you be frustrated if you discovered the 5′9″ blond bombshell you thought you were meeting ended up being a 5″2 grey haired grandmother? When you lie on your online profile, you are taking away the reader’s ability to make their own decision based on the truth. If you are a 5′2″ grey haired grandmother, embrace it and allow others to do the same!

Personalize your outgoing messages…
Have you ever received an email from someone that starts…”Dear Foxy Lady…”? Obviously this person (a) has no class and (b) has sent the same email to many other “Foxy Ladies.” In order to implement proper dating etiquette, send each email one online love interest at a time. It is ok to have a basic template, but if you try to find a way to personalize each message, you will be well ahead of the game.

Respond politely to every inquiry you receive…
Sure, you may not be interested in the man who is 20 years older, has 3 kids, and no job, but unless he is married, a polite “Thank you but I am not interested,” is in order. So long as they have not been offensive or explicit, there is no harm in taking a moment to reply to someone who has shown interest in your profile.

Only write what you would be willing to say to someone’s face…
People have a tendency to write things in an email they would otherwise never say. The impersonality of emailing has created a buffer between people that enables them to be downright rude. Think about how you would speak to someone if you were trying to meet them offline, say in a coffee shop. You would probably try to put your best foot forward and not be overbearing or straight up offensive… so do your mama a favor and THINK before you type.

You may think it best to conceal the fact that you have children until you know you “really like” someone. However, when dating online, people tend to get to know each other a lot faster than in a traditional dating environment. Be the proud parent that you are and let any potential dates know about your little bundle of sunshine AHEAD of time!

Tip #2 Keep details about your children OFF the internet!

Although you DO want to let people know your children are an important part of your life, you DO NOT need to give any specifics about your children. Do not post information that would let anyone find out where your kids are including, the name of daycare center, school, after school program, etc. And please, when dating online, do not post your children’s picture in your online profile. Remember, as a single parent you hold the safety of your children in your hands.

Tip #3 Be cautious about who you introduce to your children.

We all know about the precautions one should take when meeting an online date face to face: meet in a public place, let others know where you are going and who you are meeting, do not allow them to pick you up or you pick them up. However, when you are a single parent dating online, you need take more precautions regarding your children. Leave the kids at home until you know for sure that the person you are dating is worthy of getting to know your most prized possessions.

Tip #4 Introduce your date to your kids slowly.

Once you have deemed your “new friend” worthy of meeting your children, take time in letting everyone get to know each other. Insist that your children be polite to your date, but it is not necessary for them to like this person. Dates centered on family activities will create a space for your date to get to know your children in a fun environment while gaining their trust.

Tip #5 Reassure your children of their importance in your life.

Because bringing a new person into your life could cause insecurity in your children, it is imperative to reassure them of their being your main priority. They may feel especially upset if they think you are trying to replace their other parent and may retaliate. In order to avoid this situation, have regular discussions with them and remember to LISTEN. They may be small, but children often have big opinions great insight.

Sweaty palms (ok not just palms), a rumbling tummy, incessant talking or being completely tongue tied…Why is it that our nerves manifest in the most unattractive manner when we’re on a date, especially that all important first date? The time when we’re trying to be your most attractive appealing self. For some reason when humans get nervous, especially sexually, our bodies seem to go berserk. Maybe it’s a national geographic thing, but it definitely doesn’t help the situation. We end up in a nervous frenzy, and become self-obsessed with managing the situation that we just make it worse. Thoughts like, “Why did I just say that?” are not uncommon. So how do we combat first date jitters, and therefore eliminate or reduce their icky effects, besides a little antiperspirant and some tums? Well here are timeless tips to get you through that all important first date:

Don’t have expectations.

This is not to say not to have standards, but having too many expectations whether high or low can get us into trouble, and obsessing about them can make us nervous. You don’t want go into a first date having already picked out your wedding colors or expecting this person to be the one to fulfill all your wants, desires and dreams, that my friend will get you into trouble and make you nervous. On the other hand, don’t fuss and worry that your date is doomed before you’ve even gone on it. Relax, this is about getting to know someone, and remember that that is a process. Keep your standards and let your expectations mature if the relationship does.

Be yourself.
Yes, it’s so cliched your grandma has probably stitched it on a pillow, but it’s true! If the person agreed to go out with you or asked you out, it’s because they saw something about you that they were interested in. Plus there’s perks to being yourself; first of all, not being yourself is a lot of work, who needs that, and second of all it expedites the dating process. If both people are being genuine, then they’re bound to find out quicker, then if they weren’t themselves, whether or not they want to continue dating.

Don’t obsess!
Quite possibly the worst thing you can do for your nerves and your mental well-being is to obsess about things. This ties into both points above, if you can master your mind and relax, then you’re going to do just fine. If you feel yourself obsessing about (insert the million possibilities here), stop yourself and be confident in who you are. Remember, dating is supposed to be fun!