Infidelity is one of the hardest things to face in a relationship. If you find out that your girlfriend has cheated on you, the first thing you must do is take a deep breath and relax. Feelings of anger, hurt and betrayal are strong emotions that can blur your judgment. While some people prefer to end such a relationship at once, others might prefer to talk about it if they feel they genuinely love the other person and want to give their relationship another chance.
Depending on what you want to do, it is recommended to talk to your mate and find out what made them do this. Talking about it may help in getting a clearer view of what should be done next. If you think that you won’t be able to ever trust them then you should just break the ties or take some time apart from each other. It is still really important to get an understanding to exactly what happened and why they decided to cheat on you with someone else.
Cheating can come in different forms and levels of severity too. You might consider it cheating if you find out that your lover was kissing someone while they were intoxicated. This might be a pretty big deal to you but sort of an excusable incident. If you found out that your partner slept with someone else then that is obviously a much larger issue. What happens if you find out that your lover has been emailing or chatting with someone else online romantically? This is an instance where you need to find out what needs you are not fullfilling or what problems they are having in communicating these issues.
Trust your instincts in most cases but don’t accuse your partner that they are cheating unless you know 100% as this can cause a lot of dissention in your relationship and drive them away from you. Being overly protective can be just as bad as cheating. Nobody likes to be with a overly jealous person that is always wanting to know where you are and who you are with. Build up the trust in one another, keep communication lines open and you won’t have to worry about them cheating on you or looking else where for physical and emotional connections.
-Brian R.
45 responses so far ↓
1 isaac // Dec 14, 2008 at 11:49 AM
Dear Sirs,
I’m only 12 and I just got told that my girlfriend kissed someone else while playing a game of dares and I just feel exposed and betrayed and I don’t know what to do. I know it was a dare and I’m sure she didn’t mean it but he was older and that just leaves me worried that he might come back and try get more than she bargained for and hurt her or something and I’m just worried sick. Please write back or email me with an answer to my dilemmas.
-Isaac
2 ian trent // Dec 31, 2008 at 9:16 PM
my girlfriend cheated on me. I never really had trust in her anymore after that but I still love her. But I know it will never be the same
3 Mind Over Matter // Jan 8, 2009 at 2:11 AM
Anybody who cheats should kill him/herself.
4 Dennis // Jan 20, 2009 at 12:47 AM
People should stop cheating on each other and keep their promises.
5 Raul // Jan 25, 2009 at 7:22 AM
There is no need to cheat in a relationship i just found out my girlfriend cheated on me. I feel like she took a piece of my heart. You can’t be with two people at the same time and say you love one and want to be with the other one.
6 Sam // Jan 27, 2009 at 7:38 AM
Hi my girlfriend cheated on me thinking I would not find out myself but I proved her wrong by confronting the guy she was dating and we called her and talked to her. But I still love her so much.
7 Emmy // Feb 6, 2009 at 7:08 PM
My boyfriend of two years had sex with another girl twice.
He’s being extremely sincere about it.
I know deep down I have hope of one day being with him again. I hope he will be the guy of my dreams as he once was.
Though, He did lie about it for a month and I had to figure it out from his friend.
He even denied it for a little while.
I dont know whether to believe him.
He has lied and hurt me plenty of times but has never gone this far.
I’m in love with him and he says that he’s still in love with me.
I’m scared and I really need help.
8 oneilia // Feb 13, 2009 at 7:47 PM
my boyfriend cheated when we just met by kissing another girl and now hes cheating on me again. i am only 14yrs old and i am madly in love with this guy he treats me the best i don’t get to go on dates with him but we talk a lot over the phone he talks about my education and he doesn’t want anything physical he is my first and i want him to be my last please tell me what to do.
9 Chan // Feb 17, 2009 at 8:12 PM
My girlfriend cheated on me and it’s hard to ever think of us reall being together but it gets worse because right now we live together and I have no where to go. I don’t know how to deal
10 jerry // Feb 25, 2009 at 9:24 AM
well my girlfriend cheated on me 2 or 3 day after we went out by having sexy with another guy. i never really would have expected that from her n the only reason she told me was because she thought she was pregnant from him. i didnt brake up with her cuz i thought it was mine but now it turns out that she not but ever sense i we have been talking about it n she told me when we went out she didnt care about anything but know she said she cant live with out me cuz i changed her n treated her the best like no other guy. i lover her so much but i dont know wat to do because everything she tells me i think she is lying to me but at the same time i dont so plz Email me n give some advice
11 john // Feb 25, 2009 at 9:45 PM
My girl went to Jamaica and cheated with bartender she was only there for 7 days. What should I do now that my girl cheated on me?
12 Matt // Mar 2, 2009 at 12:24 PM
I broke up with my girlfriend and i still loved her but needed space. She is not a whore, but choose to screw like 5 other guys when we broke up. I still love her and she says she wants to be together but i dont know if i can get over the kind of person she choose to be when we werent dating…..HELP plz
13 Dylan // Mar 3, 2009 at 5:56 AM
Im 14yrs old. I have a girlfriend who i am truly in love with. Thimg is, i told her i loved her and she said it back. I told her again and she said it back. She was lying. She cheated on me the other day by going out with 2 16yr old guys. Im worried sick that this could ruin my relationship. Im also worried that she might get hurt. I mean, it’s 2 16yr olds that can drive and see her anytime they want, and what if she refuses to give them what they want and they decide to take what they want or punish her for not giving it to them. Please help me…I have no idea what i can do to save myself and her.
14 mary // Mar 7, 2009 at 6:35 PM
okay i like this boy we known eachother almost a month already. But before he wanted to be offical to be in a relationship. Before he didn’t want to rush into things so i agreed on the same. But then he broke up with me the next day and said he wan’t ready and that he doesn’t wants to break my heart. We are still talking and etc but we act just like a couple and we are not he went to my house before and met my parents and then i went to his house. I am not dumb to “do it” with him. But like i seen on his myspace page this girl he has he talks to and she writes “do you tell all those girls that?” he has a habit of saying the sweetest stuff but to me it’s sweetalking to confuse the girl. So i asked him does he talks to other girls so i don’t have to waste my time waiting for him to be a couple. He does want us to be offical he keeps giving me hints about us in a relationship so idk???
15 admin // Mar 9, 2009 at 9:57 AM
Sounds like he is just string you along. I would just ignore him a bit and keep your options open. Men don’t like competition and if he thinks that you might not be interested in him anymore then maybe he’ll stop playing the field and settle down. Anyone who breaks up a day after making a commitment is a bit confused. Take a couple steps back and it’ll start to be a little clearer as to what his intentions are.
16 Chris // Mar 11, 2009 at 10:41 PM
My girlfriend cheated on me after 7 months of dating pretty much, we were doing pretty good and everything… But she liked this other guy and she never really told me about it, she always pointed him out in the halls and said that she hated the guy… But one night she got drunk with him and slept with him… She told me Monday and then broke up with me… I still love her but she wants to be friends… But she told me that shes going out with him now, and I don’t quite think I can stay with her (friendship wise) anymore, I love her and if I can’t have her as a girlfriend then I don’t think I want her as a friend… It would go against my… I can’t remember what its called… It would go against what I feel for her. But if she wants this guy and shes happy with him then I will be happy for her… I just need help on what I should do now, because im at a loss right now and I have no idea what to do… Im very open and tomorrow I think I will just tell her what I just told all of you, hopefully it will get better.
17 Raymond // Mar 17, 2009 at 5:34 AM
Look I don’t want a response but I have a girl for a year and 4 months… I found out she sorta cheated on me and it hurt but I loved her so much I just wanted to work through it, we did and got back together then in 4 days she said she didn’t want to be together but she couldn’t breakup with me so I wanted her to be happy, so I did it for her ….. I’m devastated, hurt and just can get her outta my mind so no matter what you say I’ll love her forever and I’ll never forget her and I’m always going to try to get her back.
18 Heartbroken // Mar 24, 2009 at 1:21 AM
My girlfriend of one year and 3 months cheated on me. I know there was absolutely no reason for her to be unhappy with our relationship, but she did it anyways. I will never forget this hurt and betrayal. I just needed to get this off my chest.
19 Kimm // Mar 25, 2009 at 2:57 PM
Okay I was out with this guy and although I didn’t fully trust him as I knew before I got with him he had more then one girl on the go. Thing is a week into the relationship he kisses another girl he thinks I dunno. Turns out I do and I confront him about it and he says “There’s nothing to say about it”. I then agreed to stay with him but after leaving to go home I get a text saying “It’s over that he can’t just be with one person”. Then today , the next day after, he asks to meet up with me to make amends. He goes on about how he can’t just be with me and asks me what I want to do about us. I love him but I’m furious with him and I dunno what to do. Worse of all after all this I let him kiss me and now I’m kicking myself for it. What should I do? I wanna be with him but not with all the other girls as well.
help!
20 admin // Mar 25, 2009 at 3:07 PM
Kim – I would tread lightly here with this guy and maybe take out the emotional part so you don’t fall head over heals with him and just end up hurt in the end. If you like being with him and don’t mind the exclusivity bit then just have a little fun with it but if you are seriously bothered by him being with other girls then end it now on the physical side of things even with the kissing. He might need a little time to mature and realize that he can’t be in a real relationship and play these games. At least he is being honest with you now that you caught him about not wanting to be with only one person. I think that is a big enough signal that things might just not work out right now.
21 Sarah // Apr 15, 2009 at 2:04 PM
My boyfriend got really drunk, and nearly slept with another woman. Before it got to full intercourse, he stopped it and said he couldn’t go through with it, because he was with me. However, he still slept in her bed, and cuddled with her until the morning, because he said he ‘felt sorry’ for her. She was a total Stranger. He doesn’t know why he did it, and can barely remember much of it as he was so drunk ( he rarely drinks). I don’t know what to think- I’m still here, but only just. Is this any different than it would be if he had properly slept with her, and not given into his conscience?
22 admin // Apr 15, 2009 at 3:42 PM
I wouldn’t let the “I was so drunk” excuse go for this one. It is one thing to get super wasted and make out with a girl or grind on them on the dance floor but going home with them crosses all boundaries and whomever he was drinking with should have been looking out for him and making sure something like this would happen. If he says that he only slept in her bed he is just softening the blow to you. I would just make sure he used a condom if you are sticking around.
23 joel // Apr 15, 2009 at 3:43 PM
Hi, my name is Joel and I live in florida but I just moved away from my girlfriend that lives in New Jersey and I recently found out for the first time ever that she cheated on me. Some guy messed around with her and I asked her why she didn’t stop him and she said she was caught up in the moment. We’re both very much in love with each other and I can’t stand not being with her but I’m going back and I need some wise words of what to do. Please help?
24 Love Guru // Apr 15, 2009 at 4:00 PM
Joel – the big issue here is the long distance relationship that you guys are trying to maintain. She sounds like she is needy for intimacy so you need to make the decision to either move back to be closer to her or accept that she will continue to cheat on you without no real excuse except that she needs to be fulfilled physically in your absence. If you are okay with an open relationship then you just need to make sure that you don’t get jealous when this is happening and that she is protecting herself.
25 Brad // Apr 16, 2009 at 7:45 AM
Hi – About 6 months ago I found out that my girlfriend of 3 years had been sleeping with her boss. We stayed together and I have asked here to leave her job and she still hasn’t. To be honest my problem is that I don’t know if I love her. Don’t worry I need more help than this can give me.
26 juan // Apr 16, 2009 at 11:26 AM
I use to be a player ass gang member that like to go out with a lot of girls n played them all then came a short beautiful short chunky girl that change my life around I stopped gangbangin n stop being a player she took me in as a player n risked it just so she could love me n then I got played all crazy I did not break up with her n it was hard but if u love someone n if they r sorry they deserve 1 last chance.
27 Love Guru // Apr 16, 2009 at 11:38 AM
Brad – I think all of the writing on the wall is here with this one. You probably don’t feel like you love her because of this betrayal. I would cut your loses here so you don’t waste anymore of your life in this relationship. I stayed in a 6 year relationship that I should have ended after 3 years. Life is too short and there are way too many women out there to be hung up on this one. She has shown you her cards and you need to make a move now.
28 Guy Hearm // Apr 30, 2009 at 7:40 PM
If a girl/guy cheats on you, break up with them. If my girl ever cheated on me I would just tell her to beat it. I always worry about her cheating on me. Maybe its because I am OCD and can’t stop obsessing over stupid minute details. Once a cheater always a cheater, if you want to get cheated on and your heart broken again, keep dating him/her. If not, break up with them! If they cheat on you it means they obviously don’t love you anyway. Find someone who really cares.
29 charlotte // May 7, 2009 at 5:55 AM
Hi, my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend he has sexual intercourse with her and said that was it but I still think he had sex with her, but she denies it all. He always says sorry but there has been other times I’ve caught him texting other girls under boys names in his phone. I’m also 6 months pregnant with his baby and I’m really scared. What should I do? I love him so much I just don’t think he loves me. Please help?
30 Love Guru // May 7, 2009 at 6:12 PM
First of all you really need to get down to the bottom of the truth with your best friend and have a heart to heart with her and if you feel that she is really lying then you need to distance yourself from her. You don’t need friends like that around you. As far as your baby’s daddy goes, you also need to sit down with him and his family to see how committed and mature he is going to be with your relationship from this point on so you don’t put yourself out there emotionally without the same feelings in return.
31 Daniel // May 9, 2009 at 7:46 PM
I’m in love with this girl and I’m still with her…but last year she cheated on me with her ex and when she told me I overreacted and broke up with her. It broke my heart. She cried a lot. She’s really sensitive too which means she cries easily. Well after this happened a week later it was my birthday and on that day she went back out with her ex (the one she cheated with) and when I found out I was extremely furious and it broke my heart. Over the summer I tried to get back with her but I realized it wasn’t going to happen because she was choosing her new boyfriend over me. I had to go to Mexico for 3 and half weeks and when I got back I have found out that she still had feelings for me and cried and cried because she wanted me back. She couldn’t do it because she was still with her boyfriend. Then one time I went to her house to give her a late present and I kissed her. I thought she was going to pull away but she kissed me back..we were kissing for a lot like if we have never kissed…I was really happy. I remember when I saw her it made me feel happy but after 2 months he broke up with her. I knew the whole time he was playing her and I tried telling her but she didn’t believe me. I remember being there for her when it broke her heart. We went back out but not for long because she wanted to go back out with her ex and she broke up with me. It broke my heart once again. I thought we were done for real now but a month later I found out she broke up with me because she thought I was cheating on her because of a myspace comment she saw me talking with this girl and somebody messaged her saying that I had sex with this other girl. It wasn’t true though and she got back with me 2 days later after New Years. She realized I was the one she needed and that she loved me. Her ex tried to get back with her but she resisted. She has proven to me that she will never do that again but now I’m the one causing problems. I always call her a ho and a bitch because every time I remember what she did. It kills me and it makes her cry a lot. Right now me and my girl are in a fight about this again as I’m writing this comment. I just need a way to forget about the past, just a way. That’s all I want.
32 Love Guru // May 12, 2009 at 3:50 PM
Wow Daniel. Sounds like an emotional roller coaster but one that you signed up to be on. You need to understand that when your girl was getting back with her ex and breaking up with you that she was not decided yet on where her feelings and heart was. This happens a lot in relationships and you can’t force the issue. The more you push the further the person will be from you. You can’t look at the past as her cheating on you as she was torn between the two of you. You need to let her know that you fully forgive her so that you can enjoy your relationship otherwise you are just going to drive yourself crazy over it. You have endured this long so don’t just waste it if you really have feelings for her and just can’t be a man about it and take your ego out of the equation.
33 a man torn apart // May 13, 2009 at 9:49 PM
It’s really hard to talk about this. She was everything I wanted and so much more. We always talked about how great our lives are gonna be together. How beautiful our children will be when we have them. Hell we even picked out names. At that point I fell in love. Blinded by it so much I did not know of the terrible terrible pain that was to come. I’m from Florida but I met her in North Carolina. I left in december & told her I will be back for her at the end of May. We went out for 10 months but she told me she cheated around 2 months ago. I forgave her because I believe in 2nd chances & I stilled loved her with every ounce of my being. A month later everything turns to hell & pure pain. She tells me she is pregnant with his kid. To top it off they are cousins but they did not know at the time. It hurts so much. Whats more, shortly before she told me that, I had bought her a ring which it doesn’t take a scientist to know what I was going to do with it. Do you know how much balls it takes to ask that kind of question. She hurt me so bad, I still love her but now this baby is between us. All my beliefs about love & life burned in my skull in that moment. I still want to be with her but I do not want to raise a baby that belongs to the man that cheated with my girl. Please I am drained from depression and need immediate guidance.
34 Love Guru // May 14, 2009 at 10:47 PM
My real honest advice to you is to move on and leave this relationship behind as a lesson and to not continue to let it emotionally drain you. She probably knew of her pregnancy which is why she felt inclined to tell you that she had cheated on you. It’ll take a little time for you to get over this but in the end you should come out having learned a positive lesson from this relationship. The important piece to take away from this experience is that not all women are cheats so don’t go into your next relationship scarred by this experience but to just take a little more time getting to really know your partner.
35 griffin // May 18, 2009 at 4:09 PM
yea, my girlfriend cheated on me a week ago was at the bar and got trashed, went back to a friends house and slept with him the next morning she tells me right away and is deeply deeply embarrassed and ashamed of herself. I believe she is sorry for what she did, but where do we take our relationship now?? plz help
36 Love Guru // May 20, 2009 at 1:44 AM
The good part of this story is that she was honest right away and didn’t hide this from you but the bad part is that you guys are left with the reality that she just slept with some guy. If she knew who the guy was then it might be a larger issue but if it was a random person she met in the bar and you are okay with forgiving her then make sure you fully forgive her otherwise this will continue to eat away at your relationship.
37 Lara // Jun 7, 2009 at 6:11 PM
My boyfriend cheated on me and I don’t know what to do, I love him and he loves me. But I don’t know if it’s worthwhile still being with him, when the trust that we had is now broken. I feel like I want to trust him, but I don’t know if I can. Please help me
Lara
38 Love Guru // Jun 12, 2009 at 1:09 PM
Lara – You should have a very serious conversation to understand why he cheated on you so you can make a determination on whether you think it will happen again and if that is the case then you might want to end the relationship for a little while to teach him a lesson. Tell him to put himself in your seat and see how he would feel it you do that to him.
39 sotiredofthis // Jun 17, 2009 at 8:19 PM
My boyfriend is a sneaky person……he lies all the time. About 90% of the stuff that come out of his mouth is a lie. He has cheated with a number of women but lately he is chatting with women online on dating sites and txting them on his phone. I don’t know if he is having sex with these women or just talking dirty to them. I don’t know if he’s even met these women or not. He tells them on the phone that when he gets his car fixed he’ll come see them. They txt all during the morning, “Hey boo…I miss you boo” and he’ll txt back the same. I don’t understand why he’s doing this. Everyday he looks me in the face and says “He loves me, I’m the only one for him, I’m his wife” but when I leave or am out of his sight he’s doing this.
40 Claire // Jun 29, 2009 at 6:44 AM
I am in a long distance relationship with a wonderful caring guy, accidentally I found out his e-mail password and seen an e-mail from his ex that he is still friends with. From this I have now checked regularly as she is trying to get back with him and they have a friends with benefit thing going on. He always avoids the truth were she is concerned and I have voiced my concerns over their relationship and he said he would cut down on seeing her if it helped. Unfortunately I know that he is planning on hiking with her at the weekend. What should I do, he tells me I am everything to him and he loves me and we have started planning a future together. Should I e-mail her and tell her that she should move on, she had her chance with him? She relies on him far too much as far as I am concerned. I am drained from it all and of course cannot tell him that I know his password (I know this is an unforgivable thing to do). I love him so much and I am planning on moving to be with him. Please help, I’ve lost loads of weight over this.
41 Love Guru // Jun 29, 2009 at 9:14 AM
You don’t have to tell him that you found his password but tell him that you are uncomfortable with him seeing or talking to his ex. The biggest issue here is his need for intimacy because your relationship is long distance. I am sure that if you were closer to him and top of mind that the situation would be different. I wouldn’t suggest emailing her even though the impulse to do so is so strong. She’ll then use this against you. Guys will in most cases fall for the friends with benefits thing every time because it is low hanging fruit and doesn’t take much maintenance that real relationships do.
42 chunky monkey // Jul 1, 2009 at 1:23 PM
I got an email from a girl I’ve only met once. She told me to call her so I did. She told me that my bf of almost a year cheated on me while I was out of town with one of my best friends and that she went to the doctor this morning to get an abortion. She was pregnant with twins. 6 weeks. So I told my bf I know and he told me it wasn’t his fault and that he loves me more than anything else. I’m so hurt that he didn’t tell me ‘cuz i had to hear it from someone I hardly know and I don’t know what I want to do. He has texted his ex and told her how he misses her and how he wishes he could help her with her sexual needs and he sent pics of “himself” if you get my meaning to someone he doesn’t even know that he met on the internet. Now this. I feel so hurt and betrayed. I feel like I’m not worth anything at all and that other women are so much better than me. What do I do? I love him so much but I feel like he doesn’t love me or want me around. If he did he wouldn’t be hurting me like this. What do I do?
43 Love Guru // Jul 1, 2009 at 1:34 PM
First of all do not feel like you are at fault at all in this mess. How can he say it is not his fault that he pulled out his penis and had unprotected sex with another girl and got her pregnant. Sounds like he has developed a track record of this type of behavior. The first thing you need to do is stop blaming yourself and break up with this guy immediately before you send the wrong message to him that it is okay to be doing this to women. Do not text or call him no matter how sad you might be feeling. Let him call you and you can decide whether you want to talk to him and work things out. If you call him then you are just putting yourself more out there for more relationship abuse.
44 chunky monkey // Jul 1, 2009 at 1:50 PM
And I’m pregnant. Should I still talk to him after I leave just cuz of the baby? Or do I just shut him out? I really love him and I’m scared if I don’t stop talking to him I’m just going to be continuously hurt.
45 Love Guru // Jul 1, 2009 at 1:59 PM
That makes it more complex for sure. You don’t want to shut him out totally. You just need a little time to work this out in your head and set your emotions aside. You can still love someone but don’t have to be with them. You need to think about what is going to be best for you and your baby. Give him a little time to think about the mess he just created and be adult about your actions on how you are handling this situation.
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