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What Do You Do if Your Lover Cheats on You

January 25th, 2010 · 178 Comments

Infidelity is one of the hardest things to face in a relationship. If you find out that your girlfriend has cheated on you, the first thing you must do is take a deep breath and relax. Feelings of anger, hurt and betrayal are strong emotions that can blur your judgment. While some people prefer to end such a relationship at once, others might prefer to talk about it if they feel they genuinely love the other person and want to give their relationship another chance.

Depending on what you want to do, it is recommended to talk to your mate and find out what made them do this. Talking about it may help in getting a clearer view of what should be done next. If you think that you won’t be able to ever trust them then you should just break the ties or take some time apart from each other. It is still really important to get an understanding to exactly what happened and why they decided to cheat on you with someone else.

Cheating can come in different forms and levels of severity too. You might consider it cheating if you find out that your lover was kissing someone while they were intoxicated. This might be a pretty big deal to you but sort of an excusable incident. If you found out that your partner slept with someone else then that is obviously a much larger issue. What happens if you find out that your lover has been emailing or chatting with someone else online romantically? This is an instance where you need to find out what needs you are not fulfilling or what problems they are having in communicating these issues.

Trust your instincts in most cases but don’t accuse your partner that they are cheating unless you know 100% as this can cause a lot of dissension in your relationship and drive them away from you. Being overly protective can be just as bad as cheating. Nobody likes to be with a overly jealous person that is always wanting to know where you are and who you are with. Build up the trust in one another, keep communication lines open and you won’t have to worry about them cheating on you or looking else where for physical and emotional connections.

-Brian R.

Tags: Romance Advice

178 responses so far ↓

  • 1 John Power // Oct 28, 2011 at 7:28 PM

    My gf and I were dating for 2 and a half years, since halfway through grade 9. She’s had a couple of times where she’s been really close to cheating on me with some other guy but hasn’t. This summer we were apart and she went on a 2 week trip and within the first week found a guy, and slept with him multiple times. Then, when she returned she slept with another guy. I don’t know what to do. We’re almost about to break up right now. I think this is the right thing to do, but I don’t know. She was my first kiss, first for everything and I love her. But things are never gonna be the same, and I know I won’t be able to forgive her for that. Especially since throughout the summer there was multiple chances for me to cheat, but I didn’t because of her. Turns out she didn’t.

  • 2 Love Guru // Oct 29, 2011 at 8:12 AM

    John – My best advice to you is to break up with her and let her learn a lesson now. She will think this is acceptable relationship behavior if you don’t. You might love her today but have so many options at your age right now that by pushing her away and not being angry it’ll probably in the end make her want you back more. If you take her back you’ll need to fully forgive her for what she did while you were apart of the relationship will never work.

  • 3 cameron // Nov 12, 2011 at 6:18 AM

    My girlfriend who I love more than anything in the world cheated on me, she says she’s sorry and she loves me but I don’t know how to trust her again. I’m seventeen and she’s my one true love. What should I do?

  • 4 Erika // Nov 12, 2011 at 9:51 PM

    Well I found out my boyfriend of almost 4 years was cheating on me. The girl he was cheating with was the one to hint out to me something was going on and told me to ask him why she was so concerned about him and me. I found out he had started liking this girl a month before and had taken her out on a date. He said he didn’t know how to tell me which is why he hadn’t said anything about breaking up. Then I found out that one night he had gotten drunk and his friend and him went to her house. She was drunk too and my bf and her ended up having sex without a condom. We’re both 19 and he is now expecting a child from her. He hadn’t even remembered what he did that night before his friend told him the next day. His friend now regrets not saying anything to my bf in order to stop him from having sex. My bf said he was sorry and wanted nothing but to be together. He just couldn’t stand being with me if my parents were always going to be so judgmental (he was right on that. They were constantly telling him what to and criticizing him on how he acted. I constantly had to tell him my parents didn’t like that he was too quiet and stuff. He made the effort to meet their standards, and when he did, they would then say he wasn’t doing something else right). But the fact that that whole month he didn’t say anything is killing me. And the problem is that I can’t get over him. I still want to be with him! He regrets all that he did and hates himself for it (he even talked about suicide because he hated how much he hurt me), but he also doesn’t want to abandon his baby. He is keeping in contact with the mother only because he still wants to be a part of his child’s life (she had threatened to keep the child away from him so he had to act all nice to her so she’d allow him to see the child). She’s probably 4 weeks pregnant and I’ve been old by others that miscarriages can happen soon. I don’t want to sound horrible when I say I hope this child doesn’t come out but i can’t help it. I have no hatred towards this baby but I just don’t want it coming out now. I’d give my bf a second chance if there was no baby, but since there is he’s untouchable to me. I want to be with him so badly and he wants to be with me but the baby is a huge reality check on what’s happening. Help!

  • 5 Love Guru // Nov 28, 2011 at 7:16 PM

    Well Erika, this one is a pretty complicated relationship. I have mixed feelings but think that you should try to distance yourself a little while you see how he is going to react to the other girls decision to have his baby. The truth of the situation is that if they have the baby in 7 mos. that you will always have to deal with this situation and have interactions with her since that is 1/2 his child. He has no excuse at all for being drunk and not knowing what he was doing. If he had been on a date with her before then he definitely had interest in her and was attracted to her physically. If I was you, I would tell him that you want some space for him to be able to sort out his situation he put himself in and you should start dating other people even in a casual sense. Go out and hang out with your friends and other guys to see if you can get your mind off of him and if you are able to connect to someone else then you should pursue that path instead of being caught in the middle of this potential mess. Your parents sometimes have a sixth sense even if you don’t want to accept that.

  • 6 john // Dec 22, 2011 at 4:52 AM

    Hi
    I cheated on my girlfriend by sleeping with my best mate’s girlfriend.
    I spoke to my mate’s girlfriend on face book and she said to me that she could not remember any think happening at all due to being very drunk. She asked me if any think happened. So I told her yes
    I convinced her via face book to not tell my mate and every think was ok for 6 months.
    She eventually told him just before I was leaving to go traveling for a year. I spoke to him briefly via texting and he said he would speak to me when I got back.
    Now I am back! I have spoken to a few of my friends. He has told his family and friend who are also my friend. They are all out to get me. (he comes from a very big hard family)
    My girlfriend of eleven years does not no what is going on as she is visiting with family. I love this girl very much and don’t want to break her heart as she does not deserve it. She is soon to move in with me and my family all her stuff has been moved in already. She will find out about the rumors going around it is only a matter of time.
    I have lied to everyone since I have been back saying that I did not sleep with her. I did this for several reasons. So that the rest of my mates and family don’t abandon me. So I can continue going out with my girlfriend who I love very much (I don’t want to ruin her life). To maybe make up with my mate and the friends I have lost.
    It is my word against hers and she has already said to me she cant remember what happened. My best mate is still going out with the same girl.
    What should I do please help asap??

  • 7 Dan // Jan 10, 2012 at 11:22 PM

    My girlfriend cheated with me twice with the same guy. This guy is a total douche and I have to go to school with him, I also hate the guy. When she told me I tried to be very civilized about it but it turns out she feels bad for both of us. After braking up we decided to get back together and to be honest I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust her all I know is I let my emotions out and left myself vulnerable and right when that happened she broke it I still love her but my advice to everyone is to not open up to much because girls say they want that but once you do it they will take advantage of it so please for the love of god be careful it’s not worth it.

  • 8 stupid guy // Feb 9, 2012 at 12:50 PM

    my girlfriend has benn constantly flirting w other guys for two months n i at last found out.. n she promised not to do it again.. but ended up, she ask ppl for sex.. wad the hell should i do now?? i still love her..

  • 9 CORI // Feb 28, 2012 at 1:25 AM

    Today i found out my girlfriend cheated on me with one of my friends like i wouldnt find out i know everybody in the school should i get an other girlfriend and then break up with her she doesnt know i know we even kissed i so dont know what to do right now someone help me

  • 10 JustBe // Apr 7, 2012 at 1:48 AM

    perfect
     

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